We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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