dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
