I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
