I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i barfeds in our rink
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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