The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Houston, we have a squirter
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
