If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
