Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
4 words: hood of his car
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
