I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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