i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
