Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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