he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
