Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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