Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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