I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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