just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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