YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As shirtless as possible
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
