It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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