was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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