i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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