Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
