Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
