i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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