I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
