omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
