does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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