So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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