so explain again why im purple
no
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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