Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
