Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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