there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
