Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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