Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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