I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im holly from the hills drunk
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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