I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
