areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
