I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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