i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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