If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
