so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
