I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
