My room smells like vodka and shame
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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