Non-Jews are for practice
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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