3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
