Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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