Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
