Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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