I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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