She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Life is so much better after having sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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