Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found puke in my bra..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
