I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
