Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
