Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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