if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
