soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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