pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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