Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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