Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
