My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
