we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
