glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
