She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
