when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now