Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.