it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She bit a glass in half.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?