I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.