It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
