ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar