so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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