dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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