It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
