my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
