Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
