So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize