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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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