it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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