Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
