we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize