when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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